The Beauty of Life

I haven't posted in a few days so I - figured its time for a post. Not a negative pointless one either.

You see I could complain- we all could. About this or that- how this isn't working out right, how that fell apart. How that person did this. So on and so forth. But I want to solely focus on the good. How blessed I am.

Nobody comes from a perfect family :) your probably wondering why I put a smiley face? Because it means that YOU, the one thinking about how messed up your family is, or how messed up you are or how you've messed up your family--- yeah your not alone. You see- were not because on some level we all have some sort of dysfunction.

As a teenager I had a lot of ... Problems. LOL to say the least. I caused a lot if problems. But as I grew up and grew away from that area of life I realized I was not the only one like that. A lot of people had problems to. Family problems friend problems. Health problems. Etc.

Through all that though God... God is a God of Restoration- a God of Hope.

This past week I experienced something I've never experienced. My family. MY family came together. We sat together. We ate together. We joked together. We had talked. Shared life. Something so -- I've prayed for for YEARS, is a relationship with my sister. A strong one. A solid one. A relationship with my mom. Although I know we still have a ways to go. A lot of healing etc. God is a God of Restoration and Hope.

Well- my little sister and I get a long well. My brother and I get along well. Over the past few months. - my Older sister and I have been talking :) like Talking talking. About Faith. Life. And ETC. we had a few tics but who doesn't? Trust me it's way better than it's ever been.
Right after my Neice was born she started talking to me about Baby Dediations and how she could do it and what it was about and we started talking and before you knew it- Journey was having Baby Defications and She was signing up.

I can't tell you the last time my family has done anything together as a family. But this really brought us together:) they talked about the service more than I did, I felt kinda bad. But Everyone was there- after years and years of prayers and almost giving up, we had two lines of chairs taken up at Journey-- it was really hard for me to worship at first, I didn't want to make them feel awkward- but I said to myself it not about them it's about who HE is and what HE is doing.
Bella- means heroin , but it also means Gods promise- and something hit me when I remembered that--- Gods Promises never return void. They are always true to His word. That little Girl- is going to be something Great- I'm praying for her and Have been. That day she was dedicated to God and Sam and Macho brought her forward ... Was huge. Big step. :) greater things are yet to come.

NOT my Defintion.

Met my "epileptologist" today, I just have to say- I am SO blessed to live in a city with some the worlds top Notch Hospitals. I'm lucky enough to be at the Cleveland Clinic. Ranked #4 in the state for neurology. I am so blessed. No matter how frustrating it is-- answers are answers.
I said this on Sunday in a Facebook post "I'm struggling I want healing. I want a miracle. Whether it's through God Healing me. Finding that one medication that works or even uhm - surgery. I just want it. It's a battle. Even though it's not over- I know I have a God of Comfort and a God of Compassion and I just continue to trust in Him and put my faith in Him - ill be ok. I get frustrated. I get angry. It gets hard- somedays I don't know how I do it or how ill make it- but He always pulls me through. He never let's us walk alone. Ever. No matter where your at. No matter what your facing.
Today- my Epileptologist told me- again, the chances of drugs controlling the simple seizures/ aura seizures are slim to none. We're going to try another med but also try another bout of test. I know God is Able. I'm so tired today. I honestly actually am quite exhausted and Crabby. I'm so thankful for Gods Grace and the people who put up with me. Most days I can hide it- but poor Hannah. Sigh. I've apologized so much to her. I was also told I have generalized weakness in my right side- again. Mainly my arm and slight in my leg-- comes and goes after so many seizures in a day. Dumb. I'm right handed. Makes things a little hard some days. I had blood work done. Waiting on my levels to come back.
As I said in yesterday's Post- the specialist appointments are the worse. But -- I know God is able. I'm reminded of something I heard a while back. " you have to go through the valleys because there's things you have to learn there that you won't learn on the mountain top".
It's very true. This has taught me more than what many will ever understand and still is.
What your going through doesnt define you. It doesn't make you. Doesn't break you. Should it change you? Yes! But God Promises to walk us through it all.

We never walk alone.

Beauty of His Grace

Lately I've been thinking about Grace and the meaning of it. Through that, I have come to the realization that so often we forget about it.


Grace, its a 5 letter word. And yet it means SO much and as said before we sit back in the comfortable life that we tend to live and don't really pay much attention to it. Well this morning it hit me that some people don't understand the meaning of it.

You see, I was listening to "How He loves" by Kim walker and my younger sister had stated " I don't get it, I don’t understand it - We are his portion and he is our prize,Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes ,
If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking- that makes no sense! .” I was caught off guard, I know it’s a song and she may not have understood it but our conversation carried beyond that. I had told her it was talking about Grace the response to me saying that was – “and your point is”.

I began thinking and continued playing- How can someone just say that about Grace! God’s GRACE at that. We don’t deserve it but yet its given to us ALL. I personally think that because so many people do not get it , and do not “believe” in Grace (for lack of a better word) it’s what causes us to run from God, the very one who gives it to us and also the very one who gives us life.

Grace is the undeserved favor of God. Get that- UNDESERVED. Which means when we screw up, when we fall, when we sin, God should just tell us YOU’RE A SCREW UP! YOUR NOTHING! I DON’T EVER WANT YOU!!! YOU’RE WORTHLESS NOW!!! But the truth is He does the complete opposite. When we do everything that doesn’t necessarily glorify God, He still loves us. He still is there with open arms waiting for us to Return and to forgive us and to help us get back on track. Why you ask? Because His love is never-ending and nothing can separate us from that! Romans 8:38-39 -And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord”. It clearly states that.

I am brought to the story of the Samaritan woman at the well. She was married five times and then she was in a relationship with some other woman’s Husband! ADULTERY! Jesus Shouldn’t have even spoken to her! Jew’s don’t even normally walk down the Samaritan Road, But He did (Go Jesus for breaking out of the Normality of life back then.. aren’t we called to do that- that’s a WHOLE other blog). He seen the woman and asked her for a drink of water. She looked at Him “You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. Why are you asking me for a drink?” ( John 4:7-9) . Right there it shows me something completely different than what this story really says (or does it? ). I am no Bible scholar so I am just going to say what I feel in my spirit that God has been speaking to me through this woman’s story.

The Fact that Jesus walked up to this… this woman at the well on a Samaritan road that Jews do not normally walk on and Yet Jesus did, Just to ask for a Drink of water just gets me to the core. John 16-17 pretty much tells us that Jesus knows her, She didn’t have to say a thing to Him about her life and what she has done. She didn’t even try to plead her case to Him! What we all tend to do, She didn’t, she knew she was wrong in her ways and every one else did too, that’s why she had to go out to the well at noon on the hottest day of the year at the hottest point of the day, so that the people around her wouldn’t ridicule her. But Jesus didn’t! That’s my point right here! Jesus was able to look at her with Grace!!! Undeserved favor and love! He knew what she did, Knew she had 5 husbands and wasn’t even with a husband now! But He still went to her asked her for water!! How Beautiful is that!!!

That’s what He shows all of us Grace! Not saying we won’t have to pay the consequences for our actions, the cross covers sin not the consequences of sin. But He is there with us and loves us so much! And Beside The lord Disciplines those He loves! That’s what Grace is about! Another thing that Got me about Her story though, was not only did Jesus Show her grace, and love after all she had done, but also Jesus offered her a second Chance at life! Offered her living water so she wouldn’t have to be thirsty ever again. That’s what Jesus Died for after all, to give us life! Not to dwell in our mess-ups and faults. Or to beat ourselves up from all that we have done. But to except the fact that He is here for us! He LOVES us! He died to show us Grace and to give us a second, third, forth chance on life! John 10:10 “ I have come to give you lie and life abundantly” LOVE THAT!!

To go back to what I was saying before from the song-If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking. We are all given grace but its up to us to Choose to Grab that and the key thing is- NOT to Just Grab it but to let it Change us. Change who we are, who we are becoming! And to let it make us more like HIM! Everyday.

Its Grace that I am standing on! I shouldn’t be alive! And Yet I am… I haven’t exactly grabbed that yet. He Loves me and you so much, He doesn’t rank our sin and doesn’t throw us away like garbage but He gives us chance after Chance.

In true repentance run to Him and Let His love change you

-Tabitha