Real God, REAL LOVE

Pursuing Christ lately has not been on the top of my “To-do” list lately. To be honest I have completely pushed Him off to the side, sort of just to the Back burner of my life. I've found myself in this “Pit”. A “Pit” of just pretty much self hate,brokenness,hurt. I was just taking it all as it was being thrown at me. I Dug this whole deeper and deeper as time went by. This is the way the past almost two months have been. The lies that I have grabbed on to weren't making things better. Things telling me its not worth Going after such a powerful God,that it was pointless that I would keep messing up,would keep falling and tripping. That I couldn't put up the fight needed to get out of this mess. A verse came to my mind through all of this,

Matthew 10:38-39...

” Anyone who does not take up his cross and Follow me is not worthy of me, whoever finds his life will lose it and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it”

 I knew what it meant to “take up your cross”. To me it means take up everything that has ever been thrown at you, and take it to God and continue on with life, No matter how hard it gets just do it.

       I know the scripture and I know what I'm suppose to say. What it all comes down to is I know religion, But to say I knew (know) of this personal relationship with Christ, I would be lying. I mean dont get me wrong, I did have a relationship with God at one point but these past few months I have Just forgotten about and lost all focus of it. But before these past few months my relationship with Him was not the best,I wasn't honest with Him, I wasn't open, Now I know what I thought was there, wasn't real. I have not trusted Him the way I should, None of it. Now that I look back on it, it was the crappiest relationship ever. The cross I knew to take up and carry, even during the hard times, I threw Down and walked away. I stopped Going to church on Sundays, the Wednesday thing had just became a “ thing to do”.

         Last Night was different, my youth pastor didn't even continue on his thing with purity ( I'm not gonna lie, I was kinda happy about that), but he went somewhere new. I can't remember everything he had said but, one thing I do remember was the verse Philippians 1:6 ( someone had actually sent this to me about a week ago but I was like whatever it didn't make sense to me then).

“Being confident of this, He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

After He used that verse ( he said it like twice),I just said oh my gosh. What the heck have I been doing. He just kept going on about his dreams he had and where God has him, and how it wasn't because of his WISDOM or his KNOWLEDGE, but because of the Lords.

      Let me first say, I didn't want to be there that night. I was sick and not feeling all that up to par, but I still went. After he was done saying everything I heard something I have not heard in a long time. I just cried, I didn't even know why I was crying. I just was, but it wasn't over anything I had going on or anything I was thinking, But the tears Just flowed, But I finally heard from God. It was more clear and Loud than ever. I wasn't even looking for a meet with Him, I wanted to meet with Him, I wanted to find him again,but I had gave up on it. But He found me, I wasn't doing anything, just sitting there against the wall, way in the back.He said

“Tabitha, Your hear because its real, your hear because You want to see me in a real way, a NEW way, and well here I am. I want you to learn how to be real, with me, with yourself,and with those around you. Its ok not to be OK all the time. What your Going through isn't for forever. Let me help you, Let me In. Let me teach you REAL love, Love that doesn't hurt. TRUST ME!

         I just cried more, it was almost like it was all new to me but at the same time, i knew it all. ( sorry if I'm not making much sense). It said so much to me, and made some stuff finally hit home. I'm not gonna say I'm good,I'm fine or I'm all better, but I have something Firm, and REAL to stand on. I found, No wait, God found me. What he has started, Hes gonna finish. No matter what it takes. I may fail at first but I know God is gonna get me through this. I'm gonna move forward NO matter what it takes.

1 Peter 5:8-10 says:

“Be self-controlled and alert, Your enemy the Devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to Devour. Resist Him standing firm in faith, because you know your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all Grace who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will make you strong firm and steadfast.

I'm not gonna lie, the enemy had me down, and almost defeated. I have been listening to all his stupid lies long enough. Faith, These amazing few people God has recently placed in my life, thats whats gonna get me through this. All of everyones prayers thats why I'm where I'm at right now.

      I know and fully aware of the Road ahead. Its not gonna be an easy one, but I now have a rock to stand on. I see it, I know its here! I'm not gonna sink anymore.

Beauty of His Grace

Lately I've been thinking about Grace and the meaning of it. Through that, I have come to the realization that so often we forget about it.


Grace, its a 5 letter word. And yet it means SO much and as said before we sit back in the comfortable life that we tend to live and don't really pay much attention to it. Well this morning it hit me that some people don't understand the meaning of it.

You see, I was listening to "How He loves" by Kim walker and my younger sister had stated " I don't get it, I don’t understand it - We are his portion and he is our prize,Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes ,
If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking- that makes no sense! .” I was caught off guard, I know it’s a song and she may not have understood it but our conversation carried beyond that. I had told her it was talking about Grace the response to me saying that was – “and your point is”.

I began thinking and continued playing- How can someone just say that about Grace! God’s GRACE at that. We don’t deserve it but yet its given to us ALL. I personally think that because so many people do not get it , and do not “believe” in Grace (for lack of a better word) it’s what causes us to run from God, the very one who gives it to us and also the very one who gives us life.

Grace is the undeserved favor of God. Get that- UNDESERVED. Which means when we screw up, when we fall, when we sin, God should just tell us YOU’RE A SCREW UP! YOUR NOTHING! I DON’T EVER WANT YOU!!! YOU’RE WORTHLESS NOW!!! But the truth is He does the complete opposite. When we do everything that doesn’t necessarily glorify God, He still loves us. He still is there with open arms waiting for us to Return and to forgive us and to help us get back on track. Why you ask? Because His love is never-ending and nothing can separate us from that! Romans 8:38-39 -And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord”. It clearly states that.

I am brought to the story of the Samaritan woman at the well. She was married five times and then she was in a relationship with some other woman’s Husband! ADULTERY! Jesus Shouldn’t have even spoken to her! Jew’s don’t even normally walk down the Samaritan Road, But He did (Go Jesus for breaking out of the Normality of life back then.. aren’t we called to do that- that’s a WHOLE other blog). He seen the woman and asked her for a drink of water. She looked at Him “You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. Why are you asking me for a drink?” ( John 4:7-9) . Right there it shows me something completely different than what this story really says (or does it? ). I am no Bible scholar so I am just going to say what I feel in my spirit that God has been speaking to me through this woman’s story.

The Fact that Jesus walked up to this… this woman at the well on a Samaritan road that Jews do not normally walk on and Yet Jesus did, Just to ask for a Drink of water just gets me to the core. John 16-17 pretty much tells us that Jesus knows her, She didn’t have to say a thing to Him about her life and what she has done. She didn’t even try to plead her case to Him! What we all tend to do, She didn’t, she knew she was wrong in her ways and every one else did too, that’s why she had to go out to the well at noon on the hottest day of the year at the hottest point of the day, so that the people around her wouldn’t ridicule her. But Jesus didn’t! That’s my point right here! Jesus was able to look at her with Grace!!! Undeserved favor and love! He knew what she did, Knew she had 5 husbands and wasn’t even with a husband now! But He still went to her asked her for water!! How Beautiful is that!!!

That’s what He shows all of us Grace! Not saying we won’t have to pay the consequences for our actions, the cross covers sin not the consequences of sin. But He is there with us and loves us so much! And Beside The lord Disciplines those He loves! That’s what Grace is about! Another thing that Got me about Her story though, was not only did Jesus Show her grace, and love after all she had done, but also Jesus offered her a second Chance at life! Offered her living water so she wouldn’t have to be thirsty ever again. That’s what Jesus Died for after all, to give us life! Not to dwell in our mess-ups and faults. Or to beat ourselves up from all that we have done. But to except the fact that He is here for us! He LOVES us! He died to show us Grace and to give us a second, third, forth chance on life! John 10:10 “ I have come to give you lie and life abundantly” LOVE THAT!!

To go back to what I was saying before from the song-If grace is an ocean we’re all sinking. We are all given grace but its up to us to Choose to Grab that and the key thing is- NOT to Just Grab it but to let it Change us. Change who we are, who we are becoming! And to let it make us more like HIM! Everyday.

Its Grace that I am standing on! I shouldn’t be alive! And Yet I am… I haven’t exactly grabbed that yet. He Loves me and you so much, He doesn’t rank our sin and doesn’t throw us away like garbage but He gives us chance after Chance.

In true repentance run to Him and Let His love change you

-Tabitha