If I could go to columbus this weekend and hear this guy speak I would. You see. I simply read this, this morning and have not been able to forget about it.
its been hard to write a REAL update. Something not full of cliches. Truths. Yes. But something I know I just- it just didn't feel right. From Sunday nigh till now has been fully of so many ups and downs.
Sunday was just an all around amazing day of worship and hearing from God. I wasn't on the schedule to serve anywhere, I was open to it but did not end up doing it. I was just there. I got a little dizzy and shaky during service but for the most part I was ok. Then Had lunch with my friend and etc. Sunday night came--and WOW!!!!!!!--- amazing Worship. Everything. Just. I. Can't even put it into words. And Then I I didnt feel so great--- so I stepped out an was praying but I needed to. BUT-- it was perfect. God was able to speak directly to me about speaking at exit the following tuesday. and so when I came back in I walked up for prayer. I don't normally do that- but with speaking tuesday i just wanted to make sure I was on the same page with God. My first time and I was really nervous. Well I was praying from afar for my friends and then I talked to someone-- well I didn't know this person. She didn't know me. All i can say she was spot on with quite a bit. ok maybe everything. It was crazy. All i wanted prayer for was for speaking on tueday and then more kept coming. out of me and her.
Something that was really cool was that she knew that I wanted another tattoo-- and God had showed her something of a bird or a tree. Everyone knows I want a tree as my next one :) Theres more that she said but the tree thing and tattoo is what i want to hold onto right now. I have everything written down. A while back I wrote something on Instagram about the Cleveland Clinic and the Glowy light tree thing ( i love my choice of wording there) means a lot to me. Brings peace and Joy and Hope to every wretched horrible appointment everytime I have to go there- Especially Alone. Even though I know we NEVER EVER EVER walk alone. and I am apart of a wonderful group from a wonderful church-- but somedays-- ill be honest im realizing i dont want to talk to them i just want to sit back and write to jesus. The Tree at the Cleveland clinic is something is not something found just at the cleveland clinic but trees are everywhere. A reminder to be rooted and built up in who HE is and what HE has for you. such a blessing
You see I sat next to that tree for a while and just stared at it this past tuesday. Why you ask? Well-- Sunday was awesome- Monday was Great- I just turned 22- my friends surprised me with a great birthday. I got an ipad. i brought it in with some of the greatest people i could ask for. Tuesday morning came -- I had to be up and ready and down by the Cleveland Clinic by 8 a.m. I chose to go alone. I cant handle going with some people and then I cant handle really going alone but going alone outweighs the other. I found out Im being readmitted for a week. I have to just take it easy. I told them I was flying in two weeks- she said- make sure your meds are regulated please. and ive learned when my doctor is concerned her tone of voice really changes. and usually when she gives up on a situation and doesnt care because she knows im going to do what i want anyway - she jsut doesnt look at me. and stays stearn or laughs. im very observant. I see her every 2 weeks. You pick these things up. I got really upset/ frustrated when she told me they officially decided to admit me. She said ASAP. I said. NO. -- I dont do very well with these alone. i wasnt mean. i promise. just didnt want to. but we talked and i agreed. my insurance is covering it and and Im doing it. :( they want to get an video eeg done again along with an MRI while in the unit. but they already know i have a problem pressing the "button" so we will see how this goes. that was a rough morning. Later on that evening I found out i had to speak. I was totallyy God-- I just prayed Prayed his will be done.i had NO idea how I was going to do it. and I think He did what He needed. i was so blessed!
then Wednesday-- wednesday came- sigh. The very man who encouraged me without questioning me. we prayed. we cried. We talked of Heaven an Hell and Jesus. at 5 pm my sister called me at work after everyone had tried all day to get ahold of me and told me my brother and mom found my Grandpa Dead. My Grandpa had lived with me since i was in 6th Grade. It hurt. It hurts still shall i say. my family is hurting like ive never seen. He is the one man you thought would live forever. I mean He was a freakin champ!!!!! He was on a ventilator for... well years. since before he moved in with me. an just he had a trache. all this stuff and still functioned pretty fine. pretty normal for his condition.
To say the least He is gone. God called Him home. This week has beeen hard on me. emotionally. physically. etc.
like i said I have had a hard time posting all week. But when I read that point this morning it sparked something in me. Made me think. I know where My joy comes from. I know when i get up-- its a blessing. The last time I was in the hospital I was going through the book of Colossians and was really stuck on chapter 4. You see Paul is writing to the different churches from Prison.--- and He was telling them to " Remember His chains" - That even though He is in Prison he is STILL! going to choose to live out His ministry! Why? because the grace of god is Him and has given him what he needs Just as he will you. ...
No matter where your at. No matter what your facing. chains. sickess. remember paul. thats its. Dont fall back. Gods given you desires and passions for a reason. and sometimes your greatest message will come out of your deepest failure.
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